Lesson 21: I Am Determined to See Things Differently

Sarah

Welcome to The Daily Lesson — a podcast powered by AI and grounded in the teachings and original text of A Course in Miracles. I'm Sarah, and I'm here with Marcus, and this is Lesson 21: I am determined to see things differently. Yesterday the Workbook asked us for structure for the first time in twenty days, and today it takes that structure and points it at something a good deal closer to the bone—

Marcus

I am determined to see. Sorry. That's my watch. It's the half hour, the sentence was due, so I said it.

Sarah

You set that alarm on this program yesterday. (laughs) On the air, in front of witnesses.

Marcus

I set it here and then went home and made it worse. Yesterday was Lesson 20, "I am determined to see." The practice was to repeat that line slowly and positively at least twice an hour, aiming for every half hour, plus extra repetitions for anything that upset you. So I built a schedule. Half-hourly alarm, sixteen hours, thirty-two marks. I hit thirty. Two went by in a parking garage. I watched the watch buzz. I did nothing.

Sarah

Thirty out of thirty-two.

Marcus

The cadence was the easy part. What fell over was "slowly and positively." By two in the afternoon I was saying it the way you say a password. Fast, flat, and mostly to get through the door. —...

Sarah

That's worth more to me than thirty-two clean ones. The lesson asked for two things at once, and you went out and found which of the two actually costs something. Which is the whole point of doing it instead of agreeing with it. And today the Workbook stops keeping us at arm's length. It gets very specific about what it wants us looking at. Let me read Lesson 21 in full. —... Lesson 21. I am determined to see things differently. The idea for today is obviously a continuation and extension of the preceding one. This time, however, specific mind searching periods are necessary in addition to applying the idea to particular situations as they arise. Five practice periods are urged, allowing a full minute for each. In the practice periods, begin by repeating the idea to yourself. Then close your eyes and search your mind carefully for situations past, present or anticipated, which arouse anger in you. The anger may take the form of any reaction ranging from mild irritation to rage. The degree of the emotion you experience does not matter. You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury. Try, therefore, not to let the "little" thoughts of anger escape you in the practice periods. Remember that you do not really recognize what really arouses anger in you, and nothing that you believe in this connection means anything. You will probably be tempted to dwell more on some situations than on others, on the fallacious grounds that they are more "obvious." This is not so. It is merely an example of the belief that some forms of attack are more justified than others. As you search your mind for all the forms in which attack thoughts present themselves, hold each one in mind and tell yourself; "I am determined to see--blank--, name of person, differently." "I am determined to see--blank--, name of person, differently." Try to be as specific as possible. You may, for example, focus your anger on a particular attribute of a particular person, believing that the anger is limited to this aspect. If your perception of the person is suffering from this form of distortion, say: "I am determined to see--blank--, specify the attribute, in--blank--, name of person, differently." Besides using it throughout the day as the need arises, the idea should be applied as particular situations arise which arouse anger. At these times, tell yourself: "I am determined to see--blank--, name of person, differently." "I am determined to see--blank--, specify the situation, differently." —...

Marcus

Anger. Twenty lessons of furniture and stray thoughts. Now anger.

Sarah

And it doesn't work up to it. Second paragraph, there it is.

Marcus

I'll note that it waited until we'd had a schedule for one whole day.

Sarah

One day, and now it would like the names. (laughs)

Marcus

The sentence I keep going back over is the one about the twinge. A slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury. I'd like to enter an objection. I'm a reasonably calm man. Intense fury is not what's happening when the printer jams.

Sarah

Okay. So the Course doesn't grade them. The Manual for Teachers says that whether it's merely slight irritation or intense rage, all of these reactions are the same. One thing, different volume.

Marcus

Hard claim to test.

Sarah

It is. And the lesson doesn't ask you to agree with it today, only that you stop letting the little ones slip past you while you're searching, which is a much smaller thing to ask than it sounds and a much harder thing to actually do. Agreement isn't on the list. What the Manual is blunt about is the cost. God's peace can never come where anger is. Not rarely comes. Never. —...

Marcus

Then there's the other line I tripped on. We do not really recognize what really arouses anger in us. I'm fairly sure I know why I'm angry when someone cuts me off in traffic.

Sarah

We all are. Lesson 5 said it right in the title and we nodded along. I am never upset for the reason I think. Today tells us where to go looking instead. The Text puts the mechanism in one sentence: anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as entirely one's own responsibility.

Marcus

"Ultimately" is carrying a lot of freight in that sentence.

Sarah

All of it. (laughs)

Marcus

Here's where I get stuck, and I'll just come out with it. This one is going to take me longer than it takes you. The lesson tells me not to let the little thoughts of anger escape. Deciding which things are worth the energy and which ones I let go past me is how I get through a day. That sorting is a skill. I've been proud of it.

Sarah

And the lesson calls the sorting fallacious. It says we'll be tempted to dwell on the ones that look more obvious, and that this is an example of believing some forms of attack are more justified than others.

Marcus

So the ranking is the problem. Not the top of it.

Sarah

That's the piece I argued with for a long while. I wanted one category kept aside for reasonable irritation. There isn't one in here.

Marcus

All right. What does it actually ask us to do today.

Sarah

Five practice periods, a full minute each. You start with your eyes open and repeat the idea. I am determined to see things differently. Then you close your eyes and search your mind for situations, past, present or anticipated, that arouse anger in you.

Marcus

Five minutes. Set against yesterday's thirty-two alarms, that reads like the lighter assignment.

Sarah

It reads that way. Yesterday you could say your line in a parking garage with your eyes open and the rest of your mind somewhere else entirely. Today it asks you to close them and go looking for somebody.

Marcus

Anticipated situations as well. So the argument I have not had yet is fair game.

Sarah

Anything you're already braced for. And the reaction can run anywhere from mild irritation up to rage, and the lesson says flatly that the degree of it does not matter, which quietly takes away the last decent place any of us had to hide. You hold each one in mind and you say: I am determined to see blank differently. The actual name of the person goes in the blank.

Marcus

Out loud. With a name.

Sarah

The name is the part that stings. And if it's one particular thing about someone rather than the whole person, there's a longer form. I am determined to see blank, the attribute, in blank, the person, differently. Be as specific as you can manage.

Marcus

Do you do yours in the morning?

Sarah

Some of them. My son lost a tooth at breakfast, so this morning got away from me. Then through the day, any time something comes up that makes you angry: I am determined to see blank differently.

Marcus

I am determined to see things differently. Then somebody's name. That's a different exercise than it looks like on the page.

Sarah

One more thing and then we'll let you go. I'm not handing you a name to start on. The lesson says be as specific as possible, and the choosing is already the practice. Whoever showed up while I was reading, that one's yours. Five minutes today, a full minute at a time: I am determined to see things differently. Lesson 22 tomorrow.

Marcus

Five minutes, eyes closed, and a list I did not volunteer for.